At times caring for a loved-one at home may seem a difficult and thankless task for which no-one is well prepared. However speak to a carer and they will also describe the joys and rewards of their role. The emotional distress of the situation is often balanced by great satisfaction. Here are seven of the commonest rewards of being a care-giver. See if you or any carer you know agree! 1. The gift of time to talk and laugh together, create memories, forgive the past and make decisions about the future. For some, the increased intimacy of personal care strengthens bonds of affection. 2. Sharing caring responsibilities with other family members although sometimes a source of friction, can do wonders for family solidarity. I well remember being so grateful for the help and emotional support of my two siblings as we struggled with our parents’ end of life care and deaths. 3. For many, caring for a loved-one provides a unique chance to repay the gifts received over a lifetime. The experience is felt to be valuable and morally rewarding. Caring can also provide a good role model for other family members to follow. 4. Being a carer increases the capacity for patience, sensitivity, reliability, resourcefulness and assertiveness. It is often recognised as a period of significant spiritual growth too. 5. Personal knowledge generates a general awareness of carers’ roles in Irish society, and motivates advocacy for carers. 6. Caring for someone else’s needs, whether short- or long-term, is a significant accomplishment. It involves gaining a huge range of new practical knowledge and skills, from managing benefits to bedsores. 7. Finally, caring allows a reassessment of life’s values and priorities. People often gain an increased ability to live in the present, one day at a time, and to appreciate and enjoy the little things of life. Help is at hand for you or anyone you know who is struggling to gain these kinds of rewards from caring. If it would help, please get in touch with me and we can arrange to discuss the issues further. Counselling provides a safe confidential space to talk through feelings and come to term with problems. As the elusive Francesca Reigler said, “Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same." Don’t forget even carers need care! Clare O’Nolan 0861072504

Here is something to think about if you are an early carer, or have a friend is a care-giver. Do you ever wonder: should I give advice? What else can I do? Here's an answer!

Caring for one person’s varied needs is hard enough but what’s it like to be a multi-generational carer? Many of us end up with simultaneous responsibilities to family members of all ages. You may be a regular provider of childcare for grandchildren, whilst coping with special needs in your own children, and also responsible for elderly parents. Life’s other roles such as spouse, co-worker or friend are fitted in around those who depend on you the most. This new year could be a good time to take a new look at the priorities and boundaries in your life. Is it possible that some of the expectations that others have of you simply cannot be met? Is it time to admit the need for help from others - not because of failure on your part in any way, but because there is a limit to what one person can do? These are important decisions and difficult changes to make but they may be absolutely essential for your own health and well-being in 2018. Sometimes it helps to take a step back and see your lifestyle objectively. Start by checking your diet, exercise habits, sleep patterns and social contacts. When did you last take time off for friends for example, or to do a sport or hobby, or simply to allow yourself a break for ‘me-time’? This is where counselling comes in. Often it is easier to talk about hopes, fears, frustrations and problems in the safety and confidential privacy of a counselling room. A trained therapist can help you to see situations from a different perspective and find solutions to persistent challenges. Counselling for Carers provides this service in the south Co.Dublin-Greystones-Wicklow area, but it is also easy to find local qualified counsellors online (e.g. www.iacp.ie) Remember even carers need care! Clare O’Nolan 0861072504 www.counsellingforcarers.com

Is Christmas always as merry and full of good will for carers as it is for the rest of us? It certainly can be a time of warm memories and joyful family get-togethers. But it is also complicated by the upset of breaks in routine, unavailability of day care, medical or respite services, and extra work and responsibilities for carers. Now that it’s over you may be left exhausted, even if well supported by a loving family. However as others disperse back to normal life it is understandable to feel confined and perhaps unappreciated by the family. The winter months stretch out ahead with little prospect for change. You may have chosen to be the carer of a loved one but still be very aware of just how difficult and demanding the job is. Or you may be struggling with a role you didn’t expect and feel poorly equipped to do. The new year can also be a time of hope, and it’s always a good time to make changes. Don’t forget that you do still control aspects of your own life. Maybe start with a decision to prioritise your own self-care in 2018. For example, make a resolution to take time off exclusively for yourself. I do not mean a long weekend in a spa hotel although that would be most welcome! Instead begin small. Perhaps decide to take a 15 minute coffee break every single day sitting somewhere peaceful in mindfulness and relaxation, and decide to ensure this time does not get gobbled up with tasks that could be done later. This is also a great season to talk over difficult feelings. It can help to remind you of why you care, and the happy or even funny moments with a loved one; how being a carer has somehow brought you closer together. It can also help you to find new ways of dealing with anxiety, worry about the future, exasperation, loss and resentment. Talking regularly to a trusted, non-judgmental counsellor gives you a safe time and space once a week or a fortnight or a month to say how you really feel. If this sounds like a good plan for the new year, please do get in touch with me at Counselling for Carers to discuss it further. I am based in Greystones, Co.Wicklow with clients from Wicklow Town to Bray and beyond. Remember even carers need care! Clare O’Nolan 0861072504 www.counsellingforcarers.com

Is it hard to admit the need for help? Sadly many people today still see going to a counsellor as something connected with failure or even mental illness. This is almost always far from the truth as everyone needs a bit of help in life when things get difficult or overwhelming. It is particularly true for those who care for the daily needs of a loved one. Counsellors do not offer to be your new best friend or life coach. Instead counselling is about giving yourself time on a regular basis in a safe place to share your thoughts and feelings, to be listened to with empathy and without judgement. We call it unconditional positive regard. Putting weekly or fortnightly counselling sessions into your self-care routine allows you to come to terms with the frustrations and day to day difficulties of caring for someone, and to face up to anxieties about the future. Ignoring this need can sometimes seriously undermine your ability to do the job. This kind of professional therapeutic help need not be either costly (usually €40-60/hour) or time consuming (usually 1 hour sessions). And it can bring hope to your situation, making you better able to cope. It may even be helpful for the person in your care if they too are learning to cope, for example, with loss of independence and fears about the future. Please do get in touch with me at Counselling for Carers to discuss this further. I am based in Greystones with clients from Wicklow to Bray and beyond.