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The Irish Flexaminer Friday 9 Febuary 2018 ROI €0.00 Health fears grow as topless selfies reach all time high amongst ‘Fit’ people By BILLY O’REGAN, The Flexaminer • Increase of #FlexFriday posts on social platforms cause widespread of throwing eyes to heaven • Panadol sales increase by as much as 95% • Dedicated gym goers show strength despite turmoil Levels of topless selfies have reached a worrying all time high, according to recent complaints made by health enthusiasts. The nation is facing skyrocketing rates of bang average gym goers posting half naked selfies of themselves in the mirror after they complete a moderately difficult session in their gym of choice, in what seems to be an epidemic among 18-30 year old males and females. ‘It’s hard to put in to words, really’, one gym goer gasped after being witness to the increase of selfie takers over the last 12 months. ‘It’s not just the gym goer, but even some personal trainers, coaches and professionals in the trade have seemed to contract this illness’ she continued, as she ran towards her car from the gym after not being able to bear this behaviour any longer. It is not known if the illness was contracted off clients or elsewhere, but scientists say they should know before the summer months, which holds extra risk due to so many people following wrongful advice and eating SFA (Sweet Fuck All) for a month or so prior to holiday season in the hope to increase visibility of an Ab. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when this condition began to spread, but experts say it is more lightly to coincide with camera phones. Others have laid blame to mirrors being at fault, but when some mirrors were removed from gyms, the sufferers just went into the restrooms of the establishment to get their fix instead. The deluded often add unbearable statements such as ‘Good to see some definition after falling off bandwagon for 6 months’ or ‘Did gym even happen if there is no selfie?#Gainz’ The #FlexFriday phenomenon has seemed to worsen matters. It turns out it is the same as a regular Friday, except the Friday results with a selfie, often topless, and posted on some, if not all social media platforms. There are over 3 million examples on Instagram. Nobody is safe. Soaring selfie rates are forcing gym owners around the world to confront one of the more serious threats to public health in a generation. Witnesses of this behaviour have been advised to report it to a loved one so they can vent, roll eyes and wonder why together. Many witnesses have complained of migraines after rolling eyes so much. If you do happen to come across a sufferer of what medical professionals are calling ‘Selfitis’, remind them that this behaviour is probably not helping anyone long term and to leave it to those who are employed to do so by corporations such as Mens Health, Image magazine and GymShark. Normal fitness enthusiasts dedicated to increasing their health, wellness and performance and reaching a goal rather than a new profile picture have been advised to continue on their pursuit despite the current issues as they are on the right track.

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