The family systems therapist emphasizes each person’s participation in the system, not what motivates individual behaviour. (Brown, 2007) Murray Bowen a psychiatrist originated this theory and its eight interlocking concepts. Where formulated the theory by using systems thinking to integrate knowledge of the human species as a product of evolution and knowledge from family research. A core assumption is that an emotional system that evolved over several billion years governs human relationship systems. People have a "thinking brain," language, a complex psychology and culture. A triangle is a three-person relationship system. It is considered the building block or "molecule" of larger emotional systems because a triangle is the smallest stable relationship system. A triangle can contain much more tension without involving another person because the tension can shift around three relationships. One example to show the importance of this is where a two-person system can only exist alone as long as there is calm. When stress is encountered, the minimum outsider interaction needed is one person, which forms a triangle Bowen (1976) Differentiation and its antithesis, fusion, are Bowen’s terms to describe the extent to which people are able to separate their emotional and intellectual spheres. Highly fused people function automatically and respond emotionally to life situations. On the opposite end of the spectrum are highly differentiated people who have an autonomous intellectual system that can keep control over their emotional system. Differentiated people respond better to life’s stresses. The nuclear family emotional system describes the family’s emotional system during a single generation. This pattern, however, was already replicated for generations. Father and mother interaction will follow the patterns of their parents and will pass the patterns on to their children .One example of this At some time in the wedding process, be it the engagement, the ceremony, or the first home, the fusion will inevitably be initiated. It is critical that the spouses be at an equal level of differentiation. Unbalanced levels of fusion in the couple can result in anxiety for one or both parties. The most common way of dealing with this stress is emotional distance or emotional divorce. Family Projection Process describes the primary way parents transmit their emotional problems to a child. The projection process can impair the functioning of one or more children and increase their vulnerability to clinical symptoms. Children inherit many types of problems (as well as strengths) through the relationships with their parents, but the problems they inherit that most affect their lives are relationship sensitivities the importance here is for us to be aware of such a heightened needs for attention and approval, difficulty dealing with expectations, the tendency to blame oneself or others, feeling responsible for the happiness of others. The concept of the multigenerational transmission process describes how small differences in the levels of differentiation between parents and their offspring lead over many generations to marked differences in differentiation among the members of a multigenerational family. The transmission occurs on several interconnected levels ranging from the conscious teaching and learning of information to the automatic and unconscious programming of emotional reactions and behaviours .One example of this or trend is the repetition of relationship patterns, including divorce, suicide, and alcoholism, associated with emotional dysfunction that can be traced through several generations of the same family. Bowen actually hospitalized entire families so that the family system could be the focus of therapy. Corey, G (2009). The concept of emotional cut off describes people managing their unresolved emotional issues with parents, siblings, and other family members by reducing or totally cutting off emotional contact with them. Emotional contact can be reduced by people moving away from their families and rarely going home, or it can be reduced by people staying in physical contact with their families but avoiding sensitive issues.. For example, the more a man cuts off from his family of origin, the more he looks to his spouse, children, and friends to meet his needs .It is very important to be aware here that he may be vulnerable of too much to expectations of him out of fear of jeopardizing the relationship. Sibling position idea is that people who grow up in the same sibling position predictably have important common characteristics. For example, oldest children tend to gravitate to leadership positions and youngest children often prefer to be followers. The characteristics of one position are not "better" than those of another position, but are complementary. Another example of this is a boss who is an oldest child may work unusually well with a first assistant who is a youngest child. Societal Emotional Process describes how the emotional system governs behaviour on a societal level, promoting both progressive and regressive periods in a society. Cultural forces are important in how a society functions but are insufficient for example the ebb and flow in how well societies adapt to the challenges that face them. An increase in the problems young people are having is part of an emotional process in society as a whole.

Stages of Grief 1.Denial – The first reaction is denial. In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality. 2.Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?". 3.Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise. For instance: "I'd give anything to have him back." Or: "If only he'd come back to life, I'd promise to be a better person!" 4.Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon, so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?" During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen. 5.Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it; I may as well prepare for it." In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.

Alan Hanafin Counselling can also help you cope or come to terms with the symptoms and mental distress of an ongoing physical problem, illness or disability. • Depression • Breakdown of a relationship • Bereavement • Self-harm • Low self-esteem • Anger • Sadness • Psychotic disorders Schizophrenia or Bipolar disorder • Anxiety • Obsessive compulsive disorder • Post-traumatic stress disorder • Eating disorders Alan Hanafin (BA Honours in Counselling Skills, Psychotherapy and Youth Studies) Call for Appointment Phone in Confidence 087 2589496

Defence mechanisms In psychoanalytic theory, a defence mechanism is an unconscious way to protect one's personality from unpleasant thoughts which may otherwise cause anxiety. This can work well in small doses. However, a defence mechanism can also lead to a neurosis if it causes a person to adopt ineffectual or inappropriate coping strategies. Examples of defence mechanisms include: • Displacement. Redirecting emotion from a 'dangerous' object to a 'safe' object. For example, punching a cushion when angry at your partner. • Introjection. Internalising the values or characteristics of another person, usually someone who is significant to the individual in some way. For example, adopting the ideals of a charismatic leader in order to deal with feelings of ones own inadequacy. • Projection. The opposite of Introjection. Attributing one's own emotions or desires to an external object or person. For example, saying others hate you when it is you who hates the others. • Rationalization. Inventing a logical reason to justify an already taken emotional action. For example, striking one's child in anger and insisting it was for the good of the child. • Reaction formation. Converting an uncomfortable feeling into its opposite. For example, turning hate into love. • Regression. Behaviour reverting to a previous age. • Repression. Moving thoughts unacceptable to the Ego into the unconscious, where they cannot be easily accessed. • Sublimation. A 'healthy' form of displacement. For example, playing sports to relieve stress or anger. • Denial. Insisting something did not occur.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy-(CBT): • One way of summing up CBT is to say “you feel the way you think” but at the same time looking closely at behaviour, as the way you act and behaviour is often determined by how you feel. • At the core of CBT is the interaction between thoughts, feelings and behaviours. CBT looks at how you think and act in order to help individuals overcome both behavioural and emotional difficulties. • Modern behaviour therapy is grounded on a scientific view of human behaviour that implies a systematic and structured approach to counselling. • The view in CBT is that the person is the producer and the product of his or her environment. • According to CBT, what determines a person’s quality and intensity of an emotion they experience are their thoughts about the event. • CBT emphasis on the role of responsibility for ones own behaviour , CBT believes that given the techniques and skills of self-change, people have the ability to improve their lives by altering one or more of the various factors influencing their behaviour. • CBT deals with the client’s current problems and the factors influencing them, CBT therapists look to the current environmental events that maintain problem behaviours and help clients produce behaviour change by changing environmental events. • Behaviour techniques are used in CBT that help change the relevant current factors that are influencing the client’s behaviours. • CBT has been found to be effective in treating a number of psychological conditions such as the anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, and problems with alcohol and drug. • CBT therapists will often assign homework for clients to complete outside of sessions. • Cognitive: refers to your thoughts and anything else that goes through your mind including your dreams, memories, images and your focus of attention. • Behaviour: includes everything that you do and all the things you choose not to do. • Therapy: describes a method of treating a problem- physical, mental, or emotional.

Understanding anger It's important to realise several things about anger before you start tackling it. First, anger is a normal process that has allowed humans to evolve and adapt. It isn't a bad thing in itself, but problems occur if it isn't managed in the right way. Anger is also a mixture of both emotional and physical changes. A big surge of energy goes through your body as chemicals, such as adrenaline, are released. Once the cause of the anger is resolved, you may still have to deal with the physical effects - all that energy has to go somewhere. This can be taken out on another person, such as a partner, or an object - by punching a wall, for example. This last option can lead down the road to self-harm. The other alternative is to suppress the energy until the next time you're angry. This may mean you release so much pent-up emotion that you overreact to the situation. Realising this can lead to feelings of shame or frustration when you reflect on your actions, and to further repression of your feelings. On the other hand, just letting your anger go in an uncontrolled fashion can lead to a move from verbal aggression to physical abuse - don't forget, the other person is probably feeling angry with you too. But there is a flip side to anger. Because of the surge of energy it creates, it can be pleasurable. This feeling is reinforced if becoming angry allows the release of feelings of frustration, or if a person's response to your anger gives you a sense of power. It's important to acknowledge and keep an eye on this side of the problem - it can have an almost addictive element. Top Recognising why you get angry It's important to be aware of the positive feelings you get from anger as well as the negative ones. By recognising the positive and negative feelings associated with your anger, it's important to find other means of achieving and concentrating on the positives ones. Each person's positives are different, so there will be different solutions for everyone, but some strategies might include: • Trying a non-contact competitive sport. • Learning relaxation or meditation. • Shouting and screaming in a private, quiet place. • Banging your fists into a pillow. • Going running. Any of these may help to vent your frustration and burn off any feelings you're bottling up.

Dr Harry Barry states in his book Flagging the therapy that we have two types of bipolar with different social symptoms, here are some examples of type one, a person may experience fatigue, low self-esteem, anxiety, feeling low, having sleep difficulties all these are associated with depression. But during the mania which is the opposite of depression there is a period of elevated mood, a person will display the following extremely inflated self-esteem and mood, decreased need for sleep, talkativeness where speech will often rhyme like poetry, racing taught and ideas, high creativity, anger upon being challenged and impairment of social function with everyday activates. With bipolar type two a person suffers mainly from bouts of depression and interspersed with periods of hypomania .With hypomania comes a sudden increase in energy levels, racing thoughts, and feeling on top or the world. Barry (2011). Bipolar disorder can interfere with work and school performance, damage relationships, and disrupt daily life. Although it’s treatable, many people don’t identify with the warning signs and get the help they need. Bipolar disorder tends to worsen without treatment.

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Symptoms of bereavement • Physical pain - tightness in the body, breathlessness, lack of energy. • Confusion, hallucinations, disbelief. • Obsession with the deceased, sleeplessness, lack of appetite Most cultures have rituals which allow the bereaved to be supported and move automatically through the early stages of their loss in a structured way. Funeral services and memorials fill the early days of shock and disbelief with activity and other people. For many, decision-making becomes difficult and concentration can be lost for long periods. Anger may be misdirected at relatives, health professionals or others directly associated with the deceased. There may be an extended longing for the person to return and an inability to accept the loss. If the relationship was a troubled one the conflicting emotions can make the loss even more difficult to bear and result in a guilt which is hard to shift. Professional help may help make sense of the different feelings. The importance of mourning The main tasks of mourning are: • To accept the reality of the loss and understand its significance. • To work through the confusing pain of grief. • To adjust to life alone – to re-draw the map of ourselves. • To let go of the person and find a place for them emotionally. What issues can bereavement counselling address? • It can offer an understanding of the mourning process. • To explore areas that could prevent you from moving on such as child abuse. • Help resolve areas of conflict still remaining. • Help to adjust to a new sense of self. • Consider if the mourning has turned to depression. Talking about the loss is usually helpful and allows a person to adjust to their new life with all its changes - good and bad. Keeping things bottled up, or denying the sadness can prolong the pain. Any loss has to be acknowledged for us to move forward. Bereavement means finding a suitable place for the lost person to allow life to continue with adaptation and change, not forgetting or wiping out the memory.

Grief is a natural, common occurrence to loss. Here are 8 things that are important to recognize about grief. 1. Everyone experiences it in different ways, and no way is better than the other. Some people are vocal and express their grief through cries or screams. Some people grieve quietly. Some people need outside comfort and seek to be around others, while other people need solitude and time to work out their sorrow alone. 2. When an abuser dies, the person he or she hurt can experience complicated and distressing feelings. There may be guilt, or relief, or even joy. Often sadness is felt in the midst of a storm of other emotions. Flashbacks or memories may come up. If this happens, going to therapy can be helpful. 3. Grief can be delayed. At times, people bury their sorrow due to life stresses or unconscious fears about not being able to handle it. It can reappear when something triggers the grief response. Sometimes a person will feel like they have fully grieved a death, only to have the feelings resurface years later, at a wedding or holiday, or when someone else dies. 4. Grief is not limited to death. People can have intense sorrowful reactions to any kind of loss – job, pet, relationship, home. It may be confusing to have a strong reaction when moving to a new home, or retiring, or having a pet die, but it’s normal. Accept it, feel the feelings and don’t judge yourself for something that is natural. 5. Time usually lessens the intensity of the feelings. The ‘firsts’ can be difficult: the first Christmas without the person, the first New Year’s, or birthday. For many people, having gone through a year without a loved one is a milestone. 6. Episodes of intense sadness may reappear from time to time, seemingly out of nowhere. You might be on vacation to Disney World, and you’re hit with a wave of grief when you see something that reminds you of the person who died. 7. Children grieve in ways that may be hard for adults to understand. Parents and caregivers need to be aware of the child’s grief response, and support them in their feelings and reactions. One child may lose a dog and be immediately focused on getting a new one. Another child may lose a dog and be in visible grief for days. Both children loved their dogs, but both worked through their grief in different, equally acceptable ways. It’s important to be sensitive to this and not make judgements. 8. Rituals are an important part of grieving. They may come in the form of dress for bereavement, ways of comforting the surviving family members, burial or cremation, or services at a place of worship. The most important thing to remember about grief is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Feelings are simply feelings, nothing to be judged for. Each person needs to be allowed to grieve in their own manner, on their own timeline. And if things start to feel overwhelming, it may be time to seek help through a counsellor or therapist.

What is depression? The word depression is used to describe a range of moods – from low spirits to a severe problem that interferes with everyday life. If you are experiencing severe or 'clinical' depression you are not just sad or upset. The experience of depression is an overwhelming feeling which can make you feel quite unable to cope, and hopeless about the future. If you are depressed your appetite may change and you may have difficulty sleeping or getting up. You may feel overwhelmed by guilt, and may even find yourself thinking about death or suicide. There is often an overlap between anxiety and depression, in that if you are depressed you may also become anxious or agitated. Sometimes it is difficult to decide whether you are responding normally to difficult times, or have become clinically depressed. A rough guide in this situation is that if your low mood or loss of interest significantly interferes with your life (home, work, family, social activities), lasts for two weeks or more, and brings you to the point of thinking about suicide then you may be experiencing clinical depression and you should seek some kind of help.