A powerful subconscious mind trick to help us overcome and do what we want. The subconscious mind is most impressionable during childhood. However studies in neuroplasticity have shown that the human brain remains programmable even in adulthood. Both in childhood and adulthood our subconscious mind learns through 1) repetition 2) is conditioned through experiences that have significant emotional content for us growing up and 3) through trauma and risk it learns what to keep us safe from. One of the main roles of the subconscious mind is to ensure our survival and well being at all times. It does this by pattern recognition: if this situation looks like a previous scary situation then we prepare to defend, avoid, run away, shut down or get aggressive. However, sometimes it has learned to protect us from what is no longer dangerous or harmful. It does so because it once was dangerous to us (or seemed that way). We may have had a neglectful parent and now we subconsciously avoid getting close to people. We may have had a frightening experience in a theme park and now can’t fly or are petrified of heights. We may have had a horrible class mate or teacher who ridiculed us and now can’t present or mingle easily. The challenge is to re-frame what we have encountered in life that we don’t like, have learned is dangerous (but really isn’t) and that holds us back from fulfilling or potential in such a way that the subconscious mind doesn’t react with fear or attack, but instead works with us to attain our goal. We achieve this by getting the protective response to work in our favour rather than against us. If the subconscious mind can be made to see how not doing what we want to do will be dangerous to our survival or wellbeing then we can get it on side. Two easy ways to access the subconscious so that we can re-program it and solicit a favourable response is through 1) Curiosity and 2) emotion..... then repeat, repeat, repeat. Template to use: What if (Curiosity) I wasn’t so (state problem) about (state subject) I wouldn’t be (state negative effects) If I wasn’t (state negative effects) then I would (state benefits - especially any that pertain to security and survival) If I was (state benefits) then I could (further benefits – emotionally invested) By writing out these statements as it relates to our problem and then reading the statement again and again (while feeling the feelings) we can increase the chances of making a change and thus achieving what we want. Example: I am negative and fearful of taking a flight. What if I wasn’t so afraid and resistant about flying? I wouldn’t be so acidic towards my husband, fell awkward and juvenile when the subject comes up, not go anywhere that exciting, lose sleep and have to be drugged to go, row and ruin my last few days before coming back. If I wasn’t so stressed and negative then I would be in better form and better company around holiday time, be relaxed and normal in airports and get the most out of my holiday. If I was relaxed and looking forward to flying then I could go to Rio – I always wanted to go there, hike the Canyon, see the world. I would feel like I’ve over come something and that feels triumphant. I would feel more in control, safe and secure. I could go for that promotion that requires business trips – earn more money. What if I loved flying and got really excited about them? Hmmmm that would feel good, I’d feel powerful, capable, able and it would be fun. Have fun with this and have a great week. With Love, Ailish info@dublinmindtraining.com 087 2201 453

Why now? I ask this of everyone I work with. People who can remember blushing embarrassingly in national school, now in their 20’s finally decide to do something about it. Why now? Those who dreaded reading in class still hate presenting information in their companies come to me in their 30’s. Those overweight for 15 years want to get in shape. Why now? Commonly people don’t know the answer. They just get to a point when enough is enough and it’s time to do something about their anxieties, fears and problems. Sometimes there is an event looming that they can’t avoid like a wedding or conference or promotion. Sometimes it’s at the end of a phase of life: a break up, kids going to college, hitting a milestone birthday that prompts a need for change. It’s called ‘readiness for change’ and it’s an important point to get to. Those who finally make change happen often wanted something different and suffered and complained for years. They have been avoiding, worrying and enduring emotional pain and somehow get to a stage where not changing is no longer an option. This point in a person’s life is auspicious. When we reach it, it is so important to act to harness the resolve and get support and guidance if necessary. The mind likes the familiar – prefers it even when it’s painful over making change. Breakthroughs means ding something different. So to capitalise on the moment of readiness for change stack the odds in favour of succeeding; surround ourselves with like minded people to make progress, get support from books, therapists, coaches, mentors, motivational talks and so on. Get an ‘accountability buddy’ who can encourage and keep us on track. Readiness for change is essential to make change happen. Yet, by itself it is not enough. After the straw that breaks the camel’s back comes the work of transformation. Often we need help with that part. That said though those who genuinely get to the point where enough is enough – there’s no stopping them! I find it a privilege to help people overcome problems like anxiety, fears, blushing, nervousness. Feel free to drop me a line at info@dublinmindtraining.com or call 087 2201 453 to drop in for a chat. If not now – when?

Stop worrying and DO something about it! That was the advice a friend told me when I was expressing my fear about not having a pension set up by my 40’s. It stopped me in my tracks and after a little bit of feeling confronted and called out on the obvious - all I could say is ‘you’re right’. It was so simple and direct and ultimately easy to put into place – and yet I missed the obvious. Why? – because my story about ‘me’ and pensions went something like this: It’s boring, I don’t want to have to think about it, I’m no good at accounting stuff. My inner image and beliefs about handling finances were limited and therefore my actions (or more accurately lack of actions) followed my story about money. This is true for all of us on every subject; as the saying goes “if you believe you can, or you believe you can’t – you’re right”. Where ever we are stuck, worried or doing foolish things it’s because we’ve got some ideas that tell us: I’m to old, I’m too uneducated, I’m too nervous, They will laugh at me, I can’t, I’m not good enough to ___ (fill in the blank), I’ll fail, I’ll look stupid. And because we feel in accordance to the way we think those ideas feel true. It takes someone else to point out what’s actually possible or it takes us becoming aware of our story – and then to see it as a story, not a fact, before we will question it and do something about ....our finances, our mood, our anger, our anxiety, our fear, our guilt, our relationships, our weight. Until that point we feel and believe ‘that’s just the way I am, or that’s just the way it is’. Ask “What do I worry about”; and then stop worrying and DO something about it. The relief of putting a plan in action and making progress on the goal is great. When it came to pensions I didn’t know how to go about it – so I asked those that did and hired someone who could explain it to me. Here some practical tips to stopping worry and doing something about the problem: 1) Clarify and write out the overall goal. In 5 years time when it’s achieved what is it like? 2) Depending on the goal – write out 3 milestone goals that, once achieved, indicate progress towards the overall goal. 3) Write out 5-7 actions for each of the milestone goals that will step you towards the milestone goal. 4) Work the plan – it stops the worry. 5) Celebrate the steps along the way. If the worry is a limiting personal belief or the achievement of the goal requires support then that’s something I can help with. It’s wonderful being part of liberating a person from their worries. Feel free to drop me a line or call for a consultation. 087 2201 453 info@DublinMindTraining.com

Stuck in a rut? Here’s how to get out... We can define ‘stuck in a rut’ as any area of life we want to change but can’t seem to bring about that change. We want to lose weight but can’t seem to change our lifestyle habits. We want to progress in work but are afraid to speak up or put ourselves out there. We want to meet someone but feel too bad about ourselves and can’t handle another rejection. If we lack motivation, courage, information as to how; if we are scared or embarrassed or frustrated going round in circles then what can be done about that? First thing is to get clear on the ‘why’ we want this change – and make it as emotionally compelling as possible. Two ways to look at this: 1) what will happen to me / my relationships / my health / my finances if I don’t make the change in 6 months time, 1 years time, 5 years time - THIS IS THE PAIN/COST of not changing and 2) what will it be like making progress towards changing and making the change for real in 6 months time, 1 years time, 5 years time - THIS IS THE BENEFIT/RESULT. When we find a compelling and moving ‘why’ – we often find all the motivation necessary to change. It has to become a ‘must’ rather than a ‘nice to have’. Then - get support. Change means rewiring the brain so that we can be consistent and follow through on making our goal happen. We will be met with challenges and set backs. We will have to face fears and limitations head on and we will need to go beyond them. This is difficult, so respect the challenge for what it is and get support. There are many means of support: 1) Write out the goal – in clear language as if it’s already achieved. Use emotional compelling language and images. Display the goal (e.g fridge, car visor) and pay attention to it, focus on it, tend to it....and take ACTION. 2) Use publically accountability. Record a video declaring the intention (e.g target weight, target for business and so on) and post it on social media. This has been proven to help people stay focused and incentivised to follow through on the goal. 3) Ask for higher help and surrender to a higher power i.e pray or we can think of it as our higher self, our transcendent self, angels etc. The act of faith in something greater than the problem being able to assist us to go beyond where we are stuck brings hope and belief when we lack it. 4) Get coached or therapy – a coach helps keep us on track, supports us through the tougher moments and works through the negative limitations holding us back. Change is usually quicker and easier with someone who can guide us through it. 5) Ask for help from friends and family. 6) Stack the odds in our favour by getting the environment (house, car, workplace) set up to succeed. Environment trumps will. Not having the option of icecream in the house is easier than trying to resist it. Keeping a gratitude journal of listed positive things helps when we are beset with self-doubt. 7) Read and study those who have achieved the goal/transformation – and then act, think, feel like they do. Mirror, mimic and follow them. If there is someone who can be shadowed then do that. 8) Watch, read and listen to inspirational and motivational documentaries, books, stories and so on. And then take ACTION! 9) Join a meet up group or other appropriate group that will support. So to get out of the rut: 1) find out why we MUST change 2) respect the challenge for what it is and 3) get support. It’s my pleasure to facilitate change work, so for those who feel stuck in a rut please feel free to contact me and we can see about un-sticking that. Change is easier that many think. Wishing you a lovely week. Ailish info@DublinMindTraining.com 087 2201 453

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GOOD NEWS: To fix anxiety, depression and obesity; fix gut bacteria. What if overcoming excessive nervousness, low mood, low appetite or binging was as simple as eating more veggies? By gut bacteria manipulating just two neuro transmitters they profoundly influence our mood and behaviour – whether we are anxious or relaxed, how much and well we sleep and how much we eat. The gut has a kind of ‘brain’ (about 500 million neurons, not many less than the brain) and it produces neuro transmitters. The two main ones are 1) dopamine (50% produced in gut) which is responsible for feelings of reward, pleasure and compulsions and 2) Serotonin (almost all is produced in the gut) which regulates our mood, memory, sleep and cognition. Deficiency in serotonin is linked to depression. There are hormones produced in the gut that regulate appetite; hormones that signal feelings of hunger and hormones that signal feelings of satiety and fullness and it’s the balance of these two that determines appetite – how much and when we eat. Gut bacteria can alter the levels of these hormones. The type of food we eat selects for certain types of bacteria which in turn gives us feedback that result in us eating more of the same food. For example eating processed food causes the bacteria that thrive on processed food to grow and they influence our desire to eat more processed food. Likewise eating whole plant based foods cause the bacteria that thrive on whole food to grow and we then enjoy and desire whole food (through the bacteria’s influence in our gut). If we increase the diversity of gut bacteria we have a greater chance of normalising our appetite, mood and health. How can we do that? • Play in nature and allow some mud! • Probiotics to support the growth of healthy bacteria - through supplements, yogurts, fermented foods. • Prebiotics – these feed the healthy bacteria which eat different types of sugars; Inulin, FructoOligoSaccharides, PolyDextrose, lactulose, lactitol. From: Breast milk, Whole grains, Onions, Garlic, Bananas, Honey, Leeks, Chicory, Artichokes, fortified foods and beverages. Can also come from dietary supplements. Fruit and vegetables are an excellent source of prebiotics. • The healthy gut bacteria need FIBRE (soluble and insoluble) which is ONLY available in fruit and vegetables (meat, dairy, eggs and processed juice have no fibre) • Can also have faecal microbial transplant – this is where healthy patient faecal bacteria is transplanted into very ill patient with excellent results. • Reduce processed foods, avoid alcohol, processed fats, antibiotics in meet and excessive use of antibiotics and other drugs. A clean diet of whole plant based foods, exposure to bacteria through nature and exercise all long standing health advice has been proven to improve the beneficial gut bacteria and they in turn hugely influence how anxious, depressed, happy or relaxed we feel. It’s simply a case of eat more veggies and avoid processed food for a few weeks and you’ll want to keep eating that way – and will feel the better for it long term. Couple of interesting mice study: • Put the gut bacteria in an adventurous mouse into a timid mouse and the timid mouse became more adventurous i.e gut bacteria influences shyness • Put slim mouse’s gut bacteria into fat mouse and vica versa and feed them the same kind of food and the slim mouse got fat – the fat mouse got slim i.e gut bacteria determines appetite and weight gain. Have a lovely week. With Love, Ailish info@DublinMindTraining.com 087 2201 453

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3 DEPRESSING HABITS and how to CORRECT them... With a ball of dread stuck in the pit of the stomach and the head feeling like it’s cloaked in a black cloud of fear and worry it’s very hard to get perspective or find any energy to make progress. Getting through a day is struggle enough – trying to engage but feeling cut off from others and thinking that everyone else seems to be doing ok so ‘what’s wrong with me?’. This is what it’s like when our thoughts are on a downward spiral. There can be many factors contributing to these anxious and depressive states but three likely culprits are the following: 1) Mind Wandering: It’s estimated we have 60,000 ‘self talks’ (thoughts, memories, fantasies, imagined conversations, planning etc) a day – most of which are subconscious. Many of us have not learned to focus our attention and commonly we let our mind wander undirected. It could flicker from 10’s of subjects in a few short minutes - much like channel hopping. Our energy flows where our attention goes, so mind wandering is like having 100 files open on a computer – nothing much is getting done, and the energy is draining – especially when the self-talks are worrisome. 2) Negative / Survival Bias: The brain has a ‘natural’ negative bias of about 4:1 negative or survival based thoughts to positive or growth based thoughts. We evolved and survived because we looked out for, noticed and handled danger. What’s fine and safe and working commonly get’s ignored. We are (mostly) no longer in any physical danger yet the bias still remains as a part of the brain. Coupled with undisciplined mind wandering this tendency can result in a lot of stress. 3) Spot-lighting. As mentioned the brain is wired to notice potential danger. Whenever we hesitate in our actions the brain ‘wakes up’ out of the habitual conditioned responses and is alerted to the fact that we are trying something new, going to take a risk – going off script. Example, we might have an inspired idea in a meeting but hesitate to share it; we might want to approach someone with a business idea or to ask them out but hesitate to do so. It’s the brain’s job to keep us alive and it does that largely by comparing this situation to past situations and employing the thoughts and behaviours that got us through last time. If we are deviating by changing our normal response the brain will spot-light all the potential risk (even imagined and unlikely ones) and blow them out of proportion. The resulting anxiety and fear is usually sufficient for us not to take the chance and revert back to how it’s always been. Knowing about these built in tendencies we can counter them by developing three distinct skills: 1) Discipline our focus of attention. Make conscious choices for what we are going to give our attention to and be deliberate in developing the skill of focused attention. We will achieve more, be less fearful and have more control over our feelings and actions. 2) Deliberately work on the quality of our thinking to improve the 4:1 negative bias. Develop the art of gratitude, paying attention to what’s going well. 3) Act before we hesitate. Make a decision, choose to go/do/be and act. Hesitation will result in worry and ‘worst case scenario’ thinking so ‘just do it’. Don’t wait for feelings of motivation before following through on an action as new, risky, growth based choices can cause fear based spot-lighting to occur and that kind of thinking is de-motivating and is designed to talk us out of changing. THE MIND MAKES A GREAT SERVANT YET A TERRIBLE MASTER. Left to its own devices, conditioned by survival bias and fear based ideas and inputs the mind can be a torture to live with. Yet, it can be disciplined, corrected, made beautiful and be lived with a lot more easily. It’s worth the effort. I’m happy to help facilitate change. Feel free to drop in for a chat. All the best, Ailish 087 2201 453 info@DublinMindTraining.com

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Easy to use tip to help low self-esteem sufferers today! Consider this: Feelings are signals. Hunger is a feeling that tells us to eat so we will survive. Thirst is so we will drink water to survive. What if feelings of, ‘self esteem’, ‘confidence’, ‘loneliness’ and so on are also signals telling us something to ensure our happiness and survival? A feeling of ‘togetherness’ is letting us know we are bonded and cared for – a nice feeling that tells us we are included and therefore likely to survive. Whereas, feeling ‘lonely’ is uncomfortable and tells us we are alone and therefore not as likely to survive (social animals i.e people do better in mated couples, communities and groups) – so we better pay attention and do something about the loneliness signal (e.g meet up with someone for a chat) to improve our odds of survival. For most people, in order to survive and have a meaningful life we need to be approved of by others. The only people who thrive alone are people who are bonded to nature and live in the wild and spiritual people who are very closely aligned with a higher/inner power. Everyone else live interrelated with others. The four main groups we need esteem/approval from are 1) lovers/mates (if we are attractive to others we can procreate the species and have support in life to rare our young) 2) friends and family (for fun, support, belonging) 3) work partners (to survive financially and be regarded for our work) and 4) our inner audience that is either encouraging or putting us down. If we are esteemed by others (lovers, friends/family, in work) we are getting feedback from the environment that how we are behaving is meeting with their approval. We will then have a feeling signal of high self-esteem. If we are not esteemed by others (e.g potential mates are not interested, we find it difficult to meet friends, our family are critical, our work is going unnoticed) we are getting feedback from the environment that how we are behaving is not meeting with their approval. We will then have a feeling signal of low self-esteem. If coupled with external approval we esteem ourselves – i.e our inner audience is telling us we are doing well then we will feel high ‘self esteem’ and vica versa. Understanding that the ‘low esteem’ feeling is a signal we can see that it is telling us to either 1) change our behaviour so that we are met with approval or 2) find another tribe or group to interact with who will find our behaviour acceptable and get esteem from them or 3) if external esteem is forthcoming and we still feel low self esteem then we need to work on our inner audience so that we can let the feeling of self esteem rise. The important message is to consider the feeling of self esteem to be a signal. We can then view it as something we can use to our benefit rather than something that’s intrinsically wrong with us. It’s simply a bad feeling prompting us to pay attention to how we might not be getting our needs met and letting us know we may need to change. In this way we can take charge; we can improve our inner audience and/or change our behaviour with our mates, friends, family and work colleagues to get esteem externally and in that way the self-esteem feeling will improve and in all likelihood so will our lives. Once we discover what needs to change we may feel challenged to do so. Yet support and advice is always available through books, on-line, in person with a coach or therapist, through support groups and so on. If we were to understand and act on the low esteem signal the same way as we would a hunger signal we would greatly reduce our suffering and quickly improve our life. I’m more than happy to discuss further if you are interested in dropping in for a chat. You can get me at 087 2201 453 Or info@DublinMindTraining.com

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It’s February – is the NY resolution already broken? 4 steps to actually succeeding to change in 2017: There’s always much inspiration and hope for change with a new year. Yet we tend not to manifest our new year resolutions. This may help to understand why AND what to do about it. If we don’t want to be setting the same resolution next year – then we have a whole year to rectify what’s holding us back & take meaningful action now to bring about the change we desire. 1) Clarify our purpose. 2) Recognise the difference between the power of attention and the contents of the mind. 3) Develop and PRACTICE concentration and will power. 4) Invest energy wisely and with what & who is in alignment with our purpose. 1) Clarification of purpose. “Know Thyself” – this is an ancient instruction, given to us by every one of our greatest teachers. Spend time truly becoming aware of our heart’s desire. What is it that lights you up? If our dreams have been squashed or we have been controlled by conditioning or we have the bad habit of ‘people pleasing’, or have a pattern of disappointment then it’s likely that we have suppressed our hearts true longing – deemed it too painful to hope for, or for whatever reason have become disconnected from it. Take the time and support (if necessary) to reconnect and clarify what is it we wish to contribute, who is it we wish to be, how is it we wish to live. Set aside past hurts and explore: if money was no object and I knew I wouldn’t fail – what would I do? Who is it I love being with – what traits do they have or activities we do together that is meaningful to me. If I died soon how would I like to be remembered? What would I put before myself – what would I willingly sacrifice my time, life or money on? Once we have clarity on your purpose – even if it’s not specific like “I want to open a soup kitchen”, and is rather a direction like “I want to be of service in a meaningful way” – we can start directing our energy in that direction and unplug our energy from what’s holding us back. Really explore “why I want what I want”. Make sure it’s not a fear based or compensatory desire. Maybe we feel we want a bigger house – examine why. If it’s because we feel ashamed of our current one – then a truer desire is to gain a genuine sense of inner worth. Once that’s achieved we may still want a bigger house, but only because it reflects our worth rather than makes up for a feeling of lack of worth. True heart’s desires feel good and both expansive and grounded – they feel unapologetically ‘right’ for you. 2) Recognise the difference between our attention and what we give that attention to. One of the greatest powers we have is our attention; energy flows where attention goes. Momentum builds in the direction of your attention. If our attention is scattered, there is little momentum going in any 1 direction, and as a result not much progress is attained in any area. If our attention is on the radio show, the traffic, the shopping list, picking the kids up from school, something you saw on facebook, that you’ve gained 3 pounds, the new person at work who’s bugging us etc etc – that’s a lot of scattered attention – and results in ‘same old, same old’. Yet if we look at high achievers, in any discipline or area of life – they all have one thing in common – they are single minded. The Olympic swimmer – eats, breathes, reads, practices swimming and little else. The singer - eats, breathes, reads, practices singing and little else. The person developing higher levels of consciousness - eats, breathes, reads, practices spiritual practices and little else. Once we know our passion/purpose – we’ll want to be like the singer or the swimmer and make our true purpose manifest for us. The mind has about 60,000 self talks a day – but we can decide what we’re giving our attention to. And much like a well tended garden what we attend to will bloom and bear good fruit. 3) To gain mastery in the art of purposeful attention we need a) gain awareness of what we attend to at the moment b) learn how to and practice concentration (it’s a skill after all, so it requires practice. Concentration is the ability to keep our attention on a subject for however long we require it to be there) c) develop willpower so that we can wilfully give our concentration and thus our attention to our purpose (to the exclusion of all other distractions). When doing our daily tasks practice conscious concentration – deliberately, as best we can, give our full concentration to the task at hand. When the mind wanders, and we notice it’s wandered, bring it back and concentrate on what we are doing now. This way our ordinary life becomes our practice ground for developing skills of concentration. How we develop will power is by consciously finishing what we start and by following through on our promises / declarations. Again we use our ordinary life as our practice ground. If we’ve decided to clean the house, give our full attention to the cleaning and finish the task and so on for all our tasks. Consciously acknowledge the quality of our concentration i.e the capacity to hold attention & give energy to a task and consciously acknowledge your will power i.e you made a decision and followed through. Once we have developed the skill of concentration and willpower we are in a position to manifest our purpose; as all we need is unwavering attention and unwavering action in our purposes’ direction to bring it about. 4) Be very mindful of energy investments. Energy is invested through attention. A lot of attention invested in our goal results in the achievement of that goal. There are two things to be aware of here: 1) the energy that’s invested in others and the outside world and 2) the energy that’s invested in the mental world. Outside investments – do we hang out with people we feel uplifted being around or drained being around? Do we watch, read, listen to TV, books and music that feels good or frightening? Do we spend time in nature or only around screens? Do we eat for nourishment or to numb out? Everything either enhances, neutralises or drains our energy. Pay attention to how we feel and choose wisely what we invest our energy on. What is aligned with our purpose and what takes us off course? Mental investments: We have imprinted stressful, painful and upsetting memories that have not been cleared energetically / emotionally and they are an energy drain. We also entertain draining and poor quality thinking – investing in bad habits of doubt, fear, worry, worst case scenario thinking. These have got to be released, resolved and stopped so that we can put our attention on our purpose and achieve it. Once we are clear on our purpose, have gained skill in concentration and willpower and are able to hold our attention on what is aligned with our goal then make an affirmation of our goal to keep us conscious of it and build our life around lining up with people, places, media that supports it’s fruition. An affirmation is a concise choice of positive words that summarises our heart’s desire, have a clear visualisation of its fulfilment and most importantly FEEL what it would be like once it’s done. Repeat the affirmation while visualising and feeling its completion to imprint our mind with our goal. Weed out any objections – mental or external that block its fulfilment. Affirmation Examples: "I surround myself with financially successful business owners who will teach and help me start my own successful jam making business." "I am ready, willing and able to attract a wonderful, loving and committed partner to share my life with." "My work is recognised and I receive a promotion with ease and warm wishes from my colleagues." "I love spending time with myself, feel so comfortable in my own skin and love myself unconditionally and totally." "I am a wonderful parent and my children flourish with the quality of love, care and attention I give them." "I knock 2 points off my golf handicap with my steadier nerves, consistency of play and practice." Knowing this information is the 1st step, applying it to completion of a goal is the next one. If you would like assistance with any of it let me know and I’ll be happy to support you in making meaningful and lasting change in your life. To your every success in 2017. Ailish McGrath info@DublinMindTraining.com 087 2201 453

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How to 1) identify 2) Understand and 3) Resolve Anxiety It isn’t difficult to know when we are anxious and worried. We can all too easily feel it in our bodies. Our heart might be racing, hands cold or clammy, we find it difficult to take a satisfying breath, we can blush, get blotchy necks and backs, sweat, all with an upset stomach, our lungs and chest feel heavy and our limbs feel jelly like and weird. We can feel teary, flustered and on edge, looking out for threat and ready to defend ourselves. There can be strong feelings of overwhelm, wanting to run away or go invisible and we can feel small and helpless. And feeling like this is very uncomfortable so we try to avoid the people or situations that trigger us. Then our world gets smaller. The places and people we feel safe with reduce. Our lives are controlled to avoid anything that sets off anxiety. And all the managing of anxiety takes up hours of our day. We feel different to others – they seem to be able to take life in their stride – we conclude there must be something wrong with us. And so begins the crippling and cruel self assessments. These are commonly more painful to live with than the physical feelings of anxiety. Ideas like ‘not good enough’, ‘won’t be able’, ‘can’t do’, ‘stupid, ‘too scared’, ‘fraud’, ‘don’t tell anyone’, ‘people won’t like me’ and so on. Living with a foreboding sense that we will never be enough is a scary, lonely and exhausting way to go through life. Small events are over-thinked and every possible scenario is considered – usually with a focus on what could go wrong or how we will mess up, be confronted or fail. We engage in worst possible outcome thinking and tire ourselves out with imagined argumentative conversations, imagined scenes feeling awkward on our own, imagined rejections, imagined ridicule. Our digestion suffers and we feel pressure to go to the bathroom before meetings. We could have hours of couch time curled up with stomach aches. And when things are going well we are waiting for when it will turn bad – waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s very stressful living with daily anxiety. Why the anxious response? We originally evolved to trigger the ‘fight or flight’ reaction in response to a clear and present physical threat. If someone was attacking us we needed to find an exit to run away or have the energy to fight back. Then as we evolved in social groups – where we needed to work as a pack/community to survive – the same ‘fight or flight’ response got triggered whenever a person perceived themselves to be in social danger of exclusion. As isolated pack members were in more danger than those in the group, social exclusion is linked to our survival ‘fight or flight’ response. This is why we get the same physical response now whenever we perceive ourselves to be in social danger. The key word here is ‘perceive’. If we think we are ‘less than’, requiring approval (and don’t feel we are likely to get it), ‘different’, ‘unloved’, ‘not good enough’, ‘going to be found out’ we kick off the anxious reaction. Thankfully for most people physical threat is no longer part of daily life however we commonly feel a fear of social threat. Ways to resolve anxiety: The solution to this kind of anxiety is to question and change – emotionally – the perceptions we have about ourselves that are stressful to believe. We can re-educate our brain that we aren’t in danger. We can build an inner sense of strength and self approval. We can heal past painful experiences that still trouble us. A simple exercise is to get into the habit of questioning our thinking rather than just believing it. How likely is what the mind saying to be true? A thought no longer believed can no longer trouble us. There are plenty of proven and effective ways to resolve excessive anxiety. Change and true and lasting freedom is possible. I’m always happy to chat about how life can improve so feel free to get in touch. You can reach me at 087 2201 453 or drop me a line to Info@DublinMindTraining.com Have a great week, Ailish