Anger, if used inappropriately, is like a biological weapon, a toxic substance that rolls in to thoroughly saturate its environment and leave catastrophe in its wake. It can start with one person then spread its toxin to everyone within its atmosphere. It can alter any setting. Now with that said, it is also important to say that anger is not an entity unto itself. It is expressed… and not every expression of anger is negative. It can have positive effects too. Anger, after all, is an emotion just like any other emotion. Letting someone know what angers you in an ASSERTIVE manner may at times not only be in your best interest but may also help the other person involved. An appropriate expression of anger allows for one to be heard. Showing someone that you mean business by becoming angry may just be the motivation that an individual in your life or a loved one needs to behave more respectfully toward you or to climb out of a personal rut and pay more attention to what is happening around him. You may also use anger to motivate yourself into action. It should be understood, though, that attempts to change another, as well intentioned as those attempts may be, is a mistake. To motivate another to move forward is definitely not the same as trying to change another’s thought processes, point of view or behaviour. Endeavors to transform a person is foolish and may only exacerbate your frustration and possibly lead to disastrous results! However, a lot of people do wield their anger like a sword at the perceived weaknesses of others and they do so seemingly, without remorse. They cut deep with their blows in ways that are most hurtful and damaging. It does not take much to set them off and so much time is spent walking on eggshells, trying not to upset them. A person that has difficulty controlling her anger may be experiencing an anger disorder. Especially if she has not responded affirmatively to numerous tries by family and friends to help her resolve the problem. Different experts have published contradicting lists of anger types, but some widely accepted forms of anger include: • Chronic anger, which is prolonged, can impact the immune system and be the cause of other mental disorders • Passive anger, which doesn’t always come across as anger and can be difficult to identify • Overwhelmed anger, which is caused by life demands that are too much for an individual to cope with • Self-inflicted anger, which is directed toward the self and may be caused by feelings of guilt • Judgmental anger, which is directed toward others and may come with feelings of resentment • Volatile anger, which involves sometimes-spontaneous bouts of excessive or violent anger. Anger can be like poison, if used to hurt another person or yourself. If you or a loved one is experiencing anger in any of these forms, here are some things to consider: 1/ Identify the source (Professional help may be needed for this) - Emotional baggage; present or past stressors at home, work, or elsewhere within ones environment; chemical imbalances and genetics can all be contributors to the formation of anger. 2/ Be honest and open to change – If you struggle with your anger be honest about its existence and the impact it can have on others. This could be difficult because you might feel justified and believe that those other people drive you to your breaking point. But anger is a choice. Do not fear change! Instead, embrace it with courage! If you are on the receiving end of someone’s wrath, be honest about your own emotional and physical safety. Bravely examine the role(s) you may have assumed in your relationships and be open to changing what is necessary. But most importantly, remember who you are. An angry outburst does not alter what you know is true about yourself! 3/ Seek help – This may take some doing. Asking for and accepting help does not mean you are crazy! It may in fact be one of your more sane decisions. Strong emotions like anger are usually accompanied by a host of physical symptoms. A trip to the family doctor would be a good and intelligent start. If you are urging someone to seek help, a trip to the family doctor is a good start and can lead to additional resources. An angry person is most often protecting a wounded and hurting soul lying below the surface. Keep yourself from harm. Do what you can but also know when to let go.

The strategy of any manipulator is to make it seem like it's all your fault. It does not matter what it is, any encounter can end in blame. In light of this, you can get to a place where you may always have your back up when in this person's company and become the perfect lightening rod for manipulation. Or even worse become insecure around everyone and anyone and lose your own sense of self. However, it does not have to be this way! First of all, try to create a Bill of Rights for yourself. For example, I have a right to my own opinion, or, I have a right to express my own opinion....List at least 10 personal Rights. Then read these over daily to remind yourself of your own integrity and determination. Then when dealing with such a person always start with yourself. If you find yourself becoming defensive... STOP.... Check in with your own thoughts, feelings, and motivations. Are you trying to prove an endless point? Are you holding a grudge from the last thing that person said to you? Are you just feeling frustrated because the person will not listen? (Believe me that feeling can really well up inside of you until you want to explode.) Or maybe you just do not trust the person. Once you've examined your own motivations and you feel you still have something to say, then do so calmly and with CONFIDENCE! Speak your thoughts without elaboration. Get to the point with honesty and respect for yourself and, yes, for the other person as well. Your goal when voicing your opinion to or in the company of a manipulator is to do just that, voice your opinion without getting caught up in things that don't matter, or inapplicable emotion and personal attacks. ALWAYS remember, when telling someone, anyone, how you are feeling, it is about you and not the other person. You cannot change another person's actions, thoughts or beliefs. If you interact with a manipulator with the intent to change him, or to get him to see the error of his ways, you will repeat the cycle of futility that you DO need or wish to change. Just leave changing a person up to God. He's better at it than you.