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“Grass widow”… What the hell is that?? A friend of mine calls it “detached living”. It's when your expat husband is commuting to a new country, living and working in the new place during the week, and coming back home for a weekend or for 3 days. All while you’re home with the kids. And toiling with your business that you love so much. And for which you suddenly have less time. It’s not the first time I’m experiencing detached living. In 2014 I lived with the kids in Brussles for 6 months while my husband was working in Frankfurt. Now it’s the other way around and it’s only 2 months this time. It’s a very intense months during which we’re looking for a place to live in our new city dealing with the move to a new country and with the daily life at the same time. In Polish there’s a term for the woman whose husband is temporarily away. It’s “straw widow”. Same in German. In English the term is grass widow. Where exactly the term came from seems lost in history. Have you ever experienced it? I know of some international couples separated for years. For me, 6 months were very tough. I don’t think I would survive a year. Of course single moms have to cope with so much more than a husband who commutes to a different country. I have so much admiration for them, their strength, and resourcefulness. Here are some ideas on how to cope with being a grass widow, in case it happens to you or someone you know: • When kids are small, make sure to have a babysitter when you need to go out while your husband is away. Don't let yourself and your social or professional life be punished by the situation; • Plan ahead: dinner, shopping, medical visits; • Arrange regular chats between your husband and kids but also between you and your husband so that you can speak in private. Skype or FaceTime are great for more connection than just calling. • Update your husband on what’s vital so that he’s aware of what’s going on when he’s back; • Keep in mind that the situation is temporary; • Make sure to have some couple time when your husband is back to keep the relationship strong; • Choose your battles with the kids - let go of things you’re too tired and busy to handle; • See the detached living as a great opportunity for the kids to be more helpful around the house and more independent without both parents; • Acknowledge yourself for being the grass or straw wife and aim to survive without major meltdowns. • Celebrate when things go back to normal and the family is reunited. To tell you the truth, I wrote this list partly for myself. To remind myself to handle detached living with kindness to myself and my family, with determination to run the household and my business as best as possible, and with resilience may prove handy when things go wrong. Luckily, I'm a life coach and I have several tools handy to help me through this tough period and emerge stronger and more self-confident. And I’m blessed with a great community of other expat moms, online and offline, whom I can count on for support and understanding. So if you feel like reaching out and sharing some wisdom, I’ll really appreciate it. XOXO Kasia

16 KEYS TO MOVE BEYOND PROCRASTINATION | Kasia Michaels coaching

Are you procrastinating because you’re tired or tired because you’re procrastinating? Read more on my blog >>> https://www.kasiamichaels.com/single-post/2017/05/16/16-KEYS-TO-MOVE-BEYOND-PROCRASTINATION

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Mommy, I just made my first batch of business cards. A few days ago, my 11-year-old daughter came to the kitchen with a business card she made for her cupcake business that she wants to open. The card is very cute, made partly by hand, partly printed. She came up with a funny title for her catering business and a cool design. Baking, especially cupcakes, has been her passion for a few years now. She has a lot of patience for making elaborate decoration and she’s very creative when it comes to icing colours and flavours. Last year, my daughter started talking about some day opening her own bakery, what she wants to call it, what she would sell there and other details. She makes cupcakes every chance she gets: when we have guests at home or when we’re invited to dinner at someone else's house. On Valentine’s Day, Halloween, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, school baking competitions, and more. Recently, she made cupcakes for a classmate as a birthday present. And now she’s entering the next stage and is ready to start selling them. I look at her and I’m very proud. I’m not sure if she got the entrepreneur gene from me, because at her age I wanted to be a teacher. But maybe somewhere in what I do, when I talk about being an entrepreneur, about clients, services, business cards, customer satisfaction and all that, maybe my daughter saw passion and determination. And now she’s ready for her own portable business, too. And seeing her with her cards makes me even more certain that I’m on the right path. That I not only empower expat women, but I also empower my children. And experiencing that, in turn, makes me even more determined. So if you’re on your way to creating a business of your dreams but lack momentum, here’ s something for you to consider. What is the ONE UNIQUE thing that would create real MOMENTUM for your business? So that you can shift from saying “I have clients from time to time, often by accident” to “I gain clients actively and constantly develop my business”? Who’s hiding from you that ingredient you require to discover your recipe for a prosperous portable business? It’s YOU who holds the cards. It’s YOU who has access to all ingredients. But maybe some help finding the lacking X-factor would get you going. That’s where I come in – helping you pin down that secret ingredient is exactly what I do. >>> So grab a free 20-minute “Expat Mom Boss in the Making” session with me: https://kasiamichaelscoaching.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?appointmentType=2604087

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*** Twelve steps to hiring a VA for your business *** You can’t run a coaching business all by yourself. That’s what I realised in March when I started considering hiring a virtual assistant. In the first few months of this year, I became much more visible online, especially on Facebook. I started a FB group and my posts on challenges and fun of an expat mom appear regularly on my page and in several groups on FB. Also, I’ve been growing my mailing list and trying to learn about landing pages for my coaching programs. Last year, I created my own website, but some technological aspects of running an online business are just too much for me. This all takes a lot of time when you want to nurture your clients, run live workshops, be creative in your business, and also take care of your family. In late January and February I often felt exhausted and frustrated with menial tasks that would never end. Things that would probably take half an hour for a skilled digital expert would take me several hours. I decided that something had to be done. And it definitely had to be before April because that’s when we were planning our family vacation and I would be away for 2 weeks. I didn’t want to spend my holidays designing a landing page. So in late March, I decided to hire a VA. I must admit I didn’t do it the “right” way. I didn’t interview several potential candidates, I didn’t have a shortlist, nor did I have a formal trial period. The way it happened was more organic. I worked on a few projects with a friend of mine from Poland who’s much more savvy in online marketing and technology than I am. She was helpful and I saved time that I could spend on my business or with my family instead. So I decided to hire her for as a VA. For me, it’s very important to trust and like someone I work with. And it’s been great. Since working from home is often lonely, having VA to chat with every few days is a godsend. I can bounce ideas off of her and we can brainstorm together. There’s one caveat: my VA doesn't speak English and my work is mostly conducted in English. We’re both Polish and that’s the language we use to communicate. It would be an advantage to have a native English speaker but for me it’s actually nice to speak Polish, since I'm surrounded by foreign languages all the time. So the language issue is not a problem, at least for now. Hiring someone when your business is still growing is a bit of a stretch financially. But the amount of stress and frustration taken away from me is worth every penny. So here are some of my tips if you decide to hire a VA: 1. Create a list of tasks you need help with; 2. Write down a list of expectations about your work together; 3. Start by word of mouth and if you can’t hire someone that way, try UpWork, Freelancer or Guru; 4. When you choose one or two candidates, speak to them on Skype or FaceTime to see them in person; 5. Be patient and take your time to find the best candidate; 6. Make sure you can trust her or him and that you like talking to them; 7. Check their referrals and experience to make sure they have the skills you need; 8. Make sure your VA is ready to learn new things and doesn’t lag behind the fast-changing digital word; 9. Have a check-in chat every month to see that you’re both happy with your collaboration; 10. Be forgiving if they make a mistake. They are human, just like you; 11. Make sure they understand your business and your short-term and long-term goals; 12. Don’t be afraid to delegate even when it seems scary. It’s been less than 2 months so my VA and I are still in the very beginning stage of a business relationship. We’re still learning about each other’s styles, demands, weaknesses and strengths. But I know that I wouldn't go back to not having an assistant. Having more free time to do things that are more significant is rewarding and liberating. I feel calmer and happier, knowing that I don’t have to waste my time on tasks I find boring or overwhelming. What are your thoughts? Let me know if you want to brainstorm how a VA could help you and your business. PS. Since I wrote this post, my VA informed me that she’s concentrating on copywriting and can’t work for me anymore. Luckily, I have time to finish some of the projects she’s been helping me with. And to look for another VA. My hiring tips may come quite handy:). XOXO Kasia

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*** My 20 Tips For A Successful Move Abroad *** An International Move? I Can Do That With My Eyes Closed. Just kidding. A move to a different country is always challenging, especially when it involves several people in different stages of their lives. My mother-in-law, who lives in NY and is over 80, moved 3 times in her life. So far, I moved around 20 times and at least 10 were international moves. My first move came when I went to university in Warsaw at the age of 19. And then there were several moves within the city and later between cities, countries and continents. I’ve learned many things during my moves, and one thing that I’ve realised is that if you want to have a successful move, you need to do a lot of preparation. One of the most important things before the move is to learn about the new country: the language, the culture, the customs. When I moved as a student to Arkansas in the US in the 1990s, I learned about basketball culture in a small college town. Before my move to Frankfurt, many years later, I got to know the neighborhoods I wanted to live in and the school system. It’s different when you move as a single girl in her 20s and an expat mom with kids. Before moving to Frankfurt, I was lucky to have a colleague who was a Frankfurter and could give me some information about neighborhoods and the culture of the city. He also told me about the Apfelwein but somehow it failed to become a delicacy for me. So heres’ my list, in no particular order, to prepare before an international move: 1. start on pre-arrival networking: talk to people in your husband’s office to learn anything you should know beforehand; spend some time in the new place; attend a Meetup or two; learn about the new place online; 2. research schools for your kids: local, international; 3. learn the basics of the local language; 4. make sure to have all the important documents handy: marriage and birth certificates, valid passports and driver’s licences; 5. find out about driver’s licence and tax requirements in the new place; 6. get medical records from your local doctors, dentists and pediatricians; 7. contact a rental agency about the house or apartment you live in now. Enquire about any renovations you need to do in the existing place before you move out; 8. rent or buy a place in the new country; 9. contact a moving agency to make sure your packing will be handled professionally; 10. tell the post office to send your mail to your new address; 11. join Facebook and other social media groups for foreigners in the new country; 12. cancel your phone and internet subscription and gym membership; 13. open a bank account in the new place and only later, close the bank account in the previous country; 14. discuss the move with your children, if you have kids, and prepare them for any cultural, linguistic and other differences; 15. decide if you want to have a going-away party or not; 16. enquire about professional or business opportunities for yourself; 17. if you have you own business, discuss transferring it from one country to the other; 18. write a plan for your life in the new country: what you want to achieve, how will it enrich your family; what it means for you as the boss of your life and family; 19. if possible, visit the new location with the whole family: wander around your future neighbourhood; talk to locals; 20. be patient and forgiving to yourself and people around you when something goes wrong. An international move is a massive operation and hiccups may occur. So far I’ve only moved to countries where no vaccinations are required, but your new destination may need you to immunise yourself and your family. Also, we have no pets and we don't need to deal with quarantine or medical checks for pets. Have I missed anything? Probably. Just like there are different expat moms, each move is a bit different, too. Please let me know what you would like added to the list. XOXO Kasia

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*** Life Is Short – Your Business Should Be Meaningful, No? *** Before becoming a stay-at-home mom, I had a busy career in public relations in Poland. For several years, I worked for a PR agency where it was normal to work in the evening and often on weekends, especially before big events or media launches. For several months, the work started at 7:00 in the morning but we clocked-out at the same time as when we started at 9:00AM. I didn’t really mind the long hours because the work was exciting and I didn’t have a family waiting for me at home. Back then, before we were married, my husband also worked long hours and actually, for over a year we had a long-distance relation: He was in Belgium and I lived in Poland. Once I became an expat mom away from my family, friends, and all the familiar comforts of a life in my own country, I reevaluated my priorities. It was clear that I didn’t want to work long hours or weekends. And since my husband’s work involved a lot of traveling, it became evident to me that I needed a job that wouldn’t send me all over the world. And then another question arose: how important to me was it that what I do would be helpful to other people and make the world a better place for my children? A few years ago, when I thought about starting my own business, it was clear that I only wanted to do something that really mattered to me and that helped other people. And that’s why I chose to become a life coach. I had experienced the benefits of coaching myself. Coaching made me a better person, mom and even wife. It helped me understand my purpose, my values, and my priorities. Now, I’m helping expat women who need to reevaluate their lives, to reinvent themselves in a new country or to rebuild their social and professional identity. One of the main things we discuss is purpose, values and meaning. When I empower women to change their lives, we make sure the business they build, the new career they start abroad, or the new passion they pursue corresponds to their values, aligns with their life purpose and makes the world a better place for themselves, for others, and for their children. Life is just too short to spend it on things that don’t make it more meaningful, don’t fulfill you, or don’t make you and others happier. Would you agree? XOXO Kasia

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*** Your Portable Business Can Be Your Best Anchor In Expat Life *** That’s what really hit home for me a few weeks ago. My husband had signed a new contract and it was clear that our stay in Germany would soon end. We’re moving to Brussels. Overall, I’m quite happy because Brussels feels more like home to me than Frankfurt ever did. For my two daughters, Brussles is home because that’s where they spent the majority of their lives. But in some areas my feelings are a bit mixed. Where will we live? Will we find a house we’ll fall in love with? Are we renting or is it maybe time to finally buy? Am I ready for another international move with all the packing etc. And what about my business and my clients? And then I realised that I don’t have to worry about my business. Yes, there will be some administrative issues to handle, but I can continue working with my clients. I don’t have to change my strategy and my goals, since my business is portable. Having this realisation prompted a big sigh of relief. Among so many uncertainties, this one thing is a given. No matter what, I will continue my business. Perhaps I’ll have less time for it amid distractions of moving and settling in. Maybe I’ll have time for fewer clients and won't be able to be as visible online as I can now. But the business will be there and if we move again, I’ll be able to take it with me. That makes me very happy and much calmer as I look at toward the next 2 months of packing, dealing with school formalities, house hunting and all the rest. What gives you comfort in your business – and what makes you anxious? Is there anything I can help with in your business? To come up with with a business idea? To create your venture? To grow it? To make it more portable? XOXO Kasia

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*** What’s The Danger Of Asking For Help? *** During my recent trip to Philadelphia while on vacation, I lost my sunglasses case. It wasn’t very special, but it was light and soft and did a good job of protecting my sunglasses from scratches. I hate losing things. Don’t we all? So when I went to a shopping mall on the way back to NY, I decided to get a new case. I asked in one department store and they showed me heavy, big cases that would take almost all free space in my bag. They cost only $2 but I wouldn’t take them for free. That’s definitely what I didn’t need in my purse – something heavy and bulky. In the next store, I asked the same question and the answer was: We don’t have any cases that we can sell you. So I asked, jokingly: Do you have any that you can give me? And I told him the story of me being on vacation from Europe and losing my case. To my surprise the salesman asked me what brand of sunglasses I had and then reached into a drawer and pulled out a soft, light case, similar to my lost one. And he just handed it to me. For free. His kind gesture made my day. My sunglasses were back in a case, happy to be protected and enclosed. I felt grateful and he probably had a bit of a helper’s high. Such a small gesture of kindness made several people happier. Not just the salesman and me, but also my family since I no longer complained about losing my case. As an expat mom and wife, I’ve learned that I often have to rely on kindness of strangers. To make friends in a new country, to ask for directions in the new supermarket, or to find out where to take my sick child in the new city. And I also learned about the importance of having the courage to ask others for help. The worst thing is being ignored or getting a No. Most of the time, people are happy to help. The lessons I learn in my life as an expat partner often prove useful in my business. When I started my coaching business in Germany, I asked a lot of questions and often asked for help. Sometimes the reaction wasn’t that friendly, but in most cases people were helpful and at least directed me to someone else or some other service. So my challenge for you is to have my sunglasses case story in mind and ask someone for help in your business. Don’t let the fear stop you. Actually, embrace the rejection. Don’t be afraid of being laughed at, ignored or spurned. Just go for it and ask for any help or guidance that you need to move your expat life and/or business forward. And let us know what the result was and what you learned. One thing is certain: making that request will make you bolder and more confident. And that alone is worth the effort. XOXO Kasia

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*** No Two Expat Moms Are Alike *** We’re called expat wives, expat partners, trailing spouses. We have some things in common, yet we’re often so different. I’ve been thinking about it recently while connecting with international women in my FB group, talking to women in my Meetup group, and going to meeting at my daughters’ international school and the Polish weekend school. Even the term “expat” has a meaning that’s a bit ambiguous. But that’s a topic for another post:). Some of the women I’ve encountered in my expat journey of more than 15 years marry a foreigner and follow him to his country and embrace it as their second homeland. Others choose a neutral territory, a third country. Sometimes this second or third country is only for a few years, sometimes for all their lives. There are expat families who change countries every two, three or more years. Others move only once and then they are back in their home country. Most expat partners have kids but there are some who don’t. The ones who have kids make a decision to send them to a local or an international school. An international school is in most cases in English and that often becomes an important language in the family, even if the parents are not native English speakers. Being an expat mom often means having children who are bi- or multilingual. Sometimes the dominating language of the children isn’t the language of the mother or the father -- or of neither. There are expat spouses who give up their jobs when they leave their home country and those who manage to work for the same company, in a similar or different capacity. Sometimes they get jobs below their qualifications or have to start their career from scratch. Many expat moms who decide to work, do it part-time so they can spend more time with their kids, since there's usually no family around. Some expat partners make a decision to start their own business. There are times when they continue in the field they already know and others, when the business area is completely new. There are lots of expat moms who decide to stay home and focus on raising the kids. Some do it because they had a busy career in the previous country and want to take a break. Or because they can’f find a suitable job and don’t want to settle for something less ambitious or rewarding. Some expat moms use the time in a new country to explore the place and learn the local language. Other times, they work on their qualifications, learning something new to use in their future career or for pleasure. There are some who use their time to make friends, focus on being the best mom and wife, and have fun. Some expat moms embrace their experience and are quite happy. And many feel lonely, frustrated and unfulfilled. The expat experience is sometimes wonderful from the very beginning. Or it takes a while to settle down - a year or more. And there are times when it doesn’t get better and the expat mom is very unhappy or even depressed. Sometimes it’s just her but it can affect the whole family. Some of those families decide to stay until the end of the assignment, others interrupt it and go back to their home country or choose another place. I’m sure there’s a situation I didn’t mention here. But you get the point, right? We’re all different, even if we’re all expat moms or trailing wives. Or whatever other name we use. We’re all different, our life circumstances are rarely the same and that’s the beauty of of being an expat. In most cases, we know that whatever the circumstance is now, it'll probably change in a year or in a few years. And in many cases, it’s up to us to decide what we do with our chance to live in a new country. So let’s make the most of it. Let’s make sure our choices reflect our values and our life purpose. Let’s make sure we choose what makes us better, happier, freer and more fulfilled. And let’s start today. What do you say, fellow expat mom? XOXO Kasia

**Free Happiness Accelerator Workshop for Women**

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*** You Can’t Blame Your Unhappiness On Moving To A New Country, Can You? *** That’s what I asked one of the expat women I met in my Meetup group last winter. She had come to Germany a year earlier from southern Europe and was completely frustrated with the country, the people, and the food. She complained about how cashiers in German supermarkets never smiled, how people were unfriendly in the streets, and how hard it was to make friends. She felt very unhappy since moving to Frankfurt. Positive-psychology researchers have studied identical twins and concluded that 50% of our happiness is genetic, 40% is related to our daily actions and thoughts, and only 10% depends on life circumstances such as age, our relationship status and where we live. When I came to Frankfurt in 2014, I observed a drop in my happiness level. I was sad about leaving my great friends and colleagues in Brussels. I was reluctant to learn a language I don’t particularly like. I commented several times on how German is harsh and difficult. At some point, my younger daughter pointed out how often I said that. And her comment, coming from a 9-year-old, stopped me in my tracks and made me rethink what I was saying about our new country. Because our words create our world. And how we speak is how we feel. Once I stopped focusing on and expressing negatives about the language, I felt happier. So if you see yourself as in the expat woman from my Meetup group or as me a few years ago, please remember, that only 10% of your happiness is related to your external circumstances. And 40% is in your hands. For expat spouses, especially those who move around every few years, keeping the same level of happiness may be more challenging than for women who don’t have to constantly say goodbye to friends, family, career and other things they hold dear. Yet blaming the circumstances doesn’t work. The answer lies inside us, in what we think and how we behave every day. Are you ready to take your happiness in your own hands? XOXO Kasia

Happiness Accelerator Workshop for Women

Can you say that you are 100% happy? What can you do to boost your happiness level now? Did you know that around 40% of your happiness is in your hands? There are 4 key areas you can practice daily to make your life happier: acceptance, forgiveness, mindfulness and gratitude. Do you want to learn some fun and easy steps to practice these strategies and lead a happier life? ​Click below to sign up for my free Happiness Accelerator Workshop for Women on Saturday, 13 May, from 15.00 to 17.30 at Club Voltaire, Kleine HochStrasse 5, near Fressgass in Frankfurt. Registration: 14:45. The Workshop is free and donations are welcome to cover the cost of the room. http://bit.ly/HappinessAccelerator